Question: What would your dream relationship look like?
Maybe it’s the kind of romance you’ve seen in a feel-good Netflix original—long walks, endless laughter, and someone who’s always got your back, no matter what. Sounds like #RelationshipGoals, doesn’t it?
But here’s the kicker: Before you even think about finding the “one,” you’ve got to focus on becoming the “one.” Yes, you read that right. To truly experience a Christ-centered relationship, it starts with you.
Why It Starts with the Person in the Mirror
Here’s the deal—relationships are more than just hashtags and selfies. They’re about selflessness, vulnerability, and a whole lot of growth. You might be dreaming about someone who embodies all the qualities you admire—kindness, patience, humility—but have you stopped to ask yourself, “Am I cultivating those qualities in myself?”
Consider this a two-fold mission:
- Becoming self-aware and understanding your own strengths and weaknesses.
- Reflecting Christ-like character, not only in your relationship with others but also in your day-to-day life.
The Self-Awareness Equation
Reality check: Nobody’s perfect. And by “nobody,” I definitely mean all of us. But there’s power in recognizing where we fall short. Self-awareness isn’t about being hard on yourself—it’s about owning your story and letting Christ shape your growth.
Start by asking:
- How do I handle disagreements—even when I’m wrong?
- Am I quick to forgive, or do I hold grudges?
- Do I look to Christ for my identity, or am I placing that responsibility on other people (hint: not fair to them)?
This kind of introspection not only makes you stronger but also equips you to build healthier relationships. Nobody wants a partner who avoids their emotional baggage. They want someone who admits, “I’ve got baggage, but I’m working on it—with God’s help.”
Cultivating Christ-Like Character
It’s one thing to attend church on Sunday, but it’s another to truly embody Christ’s humility, kindness, and love every other day of the week.
Here’s a quick heart check using Galatians 5:
Are your actions guided by the fruits of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control? Or, are you falling into “fleshly” tendencies like selfishness, jealousy, or anger? Remember, relationships magnify your strengths and weaknesses. Building Christ-like character before you date puts you miles ahead when challenges inevitably arise.
The Truth About Love & Timing
You know how in movies, two characters always meet for the perfect “meant-to-be” moment? Real life’s not quite so staged. Timing is everything—not just for finding someone but for developing the emotional and spiritual maturity required for a relationship.
Being ready doesn’t mean:
- Perfect circumstances: Spoiler alert—those don’t exist.
- No challenges: Relationships, even the strong ones, come with questions and growing pains.
Being ready means you’ve taken the time and effort to become someone grounded in faith and capable of giving love that reflects Christ.
The worst thing—and yes, I said worst—you can do is rush into something just because you feel lonely. Christ fills our hearts long before someone else can complement us.
4 Steps to Becoming the Mate You’d Want to Date
1. Know Who You Are in Christ
Your identity isn’t in how many people swipe right on your dating app profile or how well you fit the “ideal partner” checklist. Psalm 139 reminds us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Start by fully owning that truth.
Practical Tip: Spend time in Scripture daily. Journal about what God says about your worth.
2. Work on Emotional Maturity
Ever caught yourself reacting to a situation before thinking it through? Same here. Emotional maturity doesn’t mean you never feel “big” emotions—it means you know how to handle and process them wisely.
Ask Yourself: Am I someone who communicates honestly? Or do I shy away, leaving misunderstandings to fester?
3. Serve Others Selflessly
Want to know if you’re capable of selfless love? Look at how you treat your friends, your family, or even the random stranger who was so slow at the coffee shop this morning. Relationships thrive on service—on putting the other person’s needs above your own.
Practical Tip: Look for opportunities to serve in church or your community. Learn what it means to love like Jesus.
4. Set Standards—And Stick to Them
What are your non-negotiables in a relationship? Someone with a strong faith? A shared vision for the future? Write them down. Setting standards is about protecting your heart and aligning your relationship with God’s best for you.
Pro Tip: Pray over your list. God knows your needs better than you do. Trust that He’ll guide you.
Building the Foundation Before the Relationship
The healthiest relationships are partnerships built on a shared love for Christ, mutual respect, and a commitment to growing together. But none of that happens if you skip the “foundation-building” phase.
Here’s the hard truth (brace yourself): No one else—not even your future dream partner—can fill the gaps only God was meant to fill. Start leaning into Him now. Your future self—and future relationship—will thank you.
Your Next Step
Want more tools for building Christ-like character before entering a relationship? Connect with our community of faith-driven leaders who understand exactly where you’re at. Whether you need mentoring or just a deeper conversation, we’re here to help.
You’ve got this—and more importantly, God’s got you. Keep building, keep growing, and trust that His timing is always perfect.